I think I may move out. My Woman has been way too distracted lately and she just told me tonight that we missed my 6-month ampuversary! Doggone it, that’s not right. She seems rather casual about it too. When she told me and I started to cry a little, she told me to buck up because I don’t have bone cancer. Like that makes it any better! So I had a different cancer, and I have a great chance of living till I’m old–big frickin’ deal, right? Am I right? Somebody give me an “amen!”
My ampuversary was on the 11th, for crying out loud! She missed it by almost two weeks! And now she’s reading over my shoulder and telling me to get over it. She says she has a lot on her mind. Honest-to-dog, I think she’s lost her bloody little mind. Weasel. I am not happy. Evelyn peed on the laundry room floor last night and I was disgusted, but now I’m thinking I’ll pay her to do it again. I can tolerate the odor if it’s for a good cause. What a b*tch. And I don’t mean Evelyn.
Well, to update anyone who cares (do you hear me, Woman?)–my big summer event was the posture-and-yowl fest at Wyatt’s place. I wrote about it, but it’s still the highlight of my summer. We did that Fort Collins shindig, followed by over the river and through the woods to Wyatt’s house. Criminy, what a ride. I got to watch Evelyn try to eat Wyatt. She is very embarrassing. Right now she’s eating a moth. Anyway, summer moved forward. I had two different house sitters recently. Both involved men, which just ticks me off to no end. I do not like men, and the Woman knows that.
I really feel like I’m doing nothing but complaining, but this Woman has been so unsatisfactory lately. Sending men to babysit me. Okay, in all fairness, the one who babysat me in June was pretty decent. I did make him wait four days before I let him touch me, but that seemed fair. It was that or pee on the floor, and we already know I’m not the one that does that. This guy gave me shoulder and neck massages, and they were excellent. I did not want to let him know how blissful they made me, but he found out. He told the Woman, of course. He had some magic fingers. I think I even drooled.
So most of my summer has been spent sleeping (medicinal naps, Gayle) and watching chipmunks. I think they’re amusing. Evelyn wants to kill them, but I just think they’re silly. Besides, they get so worked up over the tiniest little things. And in a couple of months, it will snow here and they’ll lose their tiny little minds and I’ll be warm and cozy. So why should Evelyn care since she’ll be cozy, too? Well, I think maybe the chipmunks have bigger brains than Evelyn. Maybe that’s why.
Oh, and speaking of chipmunks, my Boy has this great idea! He has been telling the Woman he wants to make chipmunk jerky! Isn’t that the most awesome thing ever? I hope she lets him. She said something about it being disgusting and messy and not worth the trouble, but I think it’s fantastic! I’ll let you know if it happens. I know she’s taking him out tomorrow to get something called an “airsoft rifle,” and he said “jerky, here I come.” The Woman laughed so it might be a joke, but I’m going to check this out and stay hopeful. I have no idea what airsoft rifle means, but it might be fun. Or not, since it involves the Boy and he frequently scares the poo out of me. Not on purpose, you understand. I’m just a bit of a sissy.
I think I’m starting to ramble so that means I’m tired. It’s probably been at least 15 minutes since I got any sleep so I should definitely rest up. Evelyn is already snoring. My Woman is folding her laundry. My Boy is watching more ridiculous Japanese animation and laughing out loud. I think it turned out to be a pretty decent evening, even if they missed my big day. Oh well, maybe it is okay to act like I’m normal. Normal is fine, isn’t it?
Love, Dakota