Category: hopping along

News Flash: I learned to play, & we’re all idiots here

I am 10 1/2 years old and I don’t play. I have never played with toys. I have never chased a ball. I think a whole lot of years ago I halfheartedly ran after a stick a few times, but when I got to it I thought “What’s the point?” and broke off the chase. I think I was filled with teenage angst or something. My Boy says I’m emo.

But tonight, I played! And it was fun! My Woman was hiding in the office on her hands and knees (like a moron, really) and acting like she was going to get us. She was whacking the floor and then ducking back inside the office. Evelyn was acting like an idiot, of course, thinking this was grand. But guess what? I suddenly had this irristible urge to join in. I started yipping at my Woman when she peeked around the doorway. I used my most annoying yip. Then I started wagging really hard and couldn’t wait for her to peek around the door again. It was really rather delightful!

The Woman started singing the Goofy Goober song from SpongeBob, and I wagged again. I just couldn’t help myself. So I guess we’re all idiots around here tonight. And it was fun! When we stopped all the nonsense, I did my combat crawl over to my Woman and we snuggled. That was nice, too. Until she said I don’t smell so good and need a bath. Maybe tomorrow I can find something dead outside and fix that. Just for her.

Humans are such suckers

My Woman wrote in the forums here about my roommate Evelyn. She had some weird stuff going on and it seems to be this funky head tremor syndrome that bulldogs sometimes have. All the stuff on the interpipes says it’s harmless and the dog doesn’t hurt and so forth. My Woman is taking Evelyn for a bloodletting just for fun (she says it’s “to be sure Evvie’s ok”) next week. And Evelyn only did it once yesterday and none today, so she seems perfectly fine. I think she was faking anyway.

Now here’s where it gets funny. I also have a Man, you know. This Man does not know it, but he is wrapped around Evelyn’s little spotted paws so tightly that she twitches and he comes to see what she needs. She is such a princess, even if she is an ugly one that snores like an SOB. Whatever that  means. So yesterday my Man and my Woman went to a store. It’s called a hardware store but it’s really not. It’s so much more. It’s kind of like Christmas in a store. I know; I’ve been there.

In this store, my Man was buying something called bolts. Whatever. While he was getting them, he apparently told my Woman to go to their fancy-schmancy dog section (and it’s amazing and huge) and get some dog treats to make Evelyn feel better. My Woman told me this later. This is what she said: She picked out a box of dog cookies and then my Man asked her why she was being so stingy with one measly box. So he picked up another box. And then–this is where it gets good–he picked out a package of (wait for it)…dehydrated ostrich liver! Have you ever? Me neither!!! And damn, these were good cookies! Not that cheap crap she usually buys. These were high-class crap!

When they got home, I pulled my Woman aside and asked her about the shopping spree. She’s not usually like that. But he is. My Man loves to buy us goodies. She told me all this. I asked how much it cost. She said “don’t ask.” Ha! And all because they feel so bad for the poor widdle bulldawggie that has the head bobbles! Suckers!

Very bad day!

First she hauled me into this tub. I refused to help so I made her break her back. Serves her right.
Here she is drying me off. I am very close to biting her. Can't you tell?
She put me on the floor and I tried to escape through the janitor stuff. There is a window there. See?
I refused to move. She had to brush me right there. Again...serves her right.
Back in the car. I hate the car, but I'll tell you it beats the tub. And no I do not smell like lemons or whatever I was supposed to smell like. I smell like wet dog! Hahahahahah!!! Serves her right!

 

 

 

 

CARE package from the Oaktown Pack!

Recently I wasn’t feeling quite right. I don’t know why, but I was tired and not very interested in my food or in doing much. My Woman wrote about it here. She said I didn’t want to stand up to eat and I hadn’t eaten but a few bites in several days. Well guess what? I got a CARE package to help me want to eat again! It came from the Oaktown Pack! And I’m not even a German Shepherd. That is so cool!

The CARE package was made at the Paw Patch Pastry shop and it was full of the prettiest, cutest, tastiest bacon cookies you can imagine. Travis Ray said they are doggie crack, and I have no idea what that means but he is absolutely right! I am so cracked about these cookies! Thank you, thank you, thank you Travis, Austin, Codie,  and even Smokey! And the Man and Woman, Ralph and Martha. You guys are pawesome!

Love, Dakota

My note from the Oaktown Pack
That pretty cookie basket.
Bunch of bacon beauties!
This one is mine.
And a bacon cupcake for dessert.
Cookie coma

 

My Man is coming home!

Hello everyone. I heard some news. They think I don’t understand because I choose to be aloof sometimes. After all, my blog is thoughtful and erudite. I have a persona to maintain. Anyhoo, back in March my Man went away. I never really understood why, but my Woman and my Boy were not happy about it. Evelyn the Embarrassment and I were ok, but we liked our Man a lot. So when my Woman whispered into my ear that he is coming back, I didn’t even blink. But I’m happy.

Dakota’s Top 10 List about his Man:

10. He puts ice in the kitchen water bowl, just for fun.

9. He never laughed when I tried to lift my leg to pee…after my leg was stolen.

8. He makes my Boy leave me alone when I need my space.

7. He walked in the woods with me before the leg elves took my leg by stealth.

6. He installed the dog door.

5. He talks baby talk to me, but just the right amount. Not too much.

4. He makes Evelyn bug off.

3. He was so good to our Spirit dogs before they crossed the Rainbow Bridge.

2. He paid the vet bills.

1. He stopped the car for me when I was dumped!

I was practicing how I am going to meet him when he comes home. Whaddya think?