Can we have an ampuversary without you?

Tomorrow is the 2-year milepost on our journey. I have been thinking about it for easily a month, knowing I wanted to write about it here but not really knowing how. I trusted that the words would arrive when the day did, but they really haven’t. I’m kind of at a loss.

Two years on this journey is a very big deal. When you started, you were in fantastic company: Bellona, Lucky, Rio and Bud were in the same week with you. We’ve not seen Bellona or Lucky here for a very long time so we don’t know how they’re doing or if they also crossed the bridge. Rio went ahead of you just before her first year ampuversary. You went 2 months before your second. Bud is here, though. He is holding down the fort and making all the February Furball Family proud. His being here makes it a happy time.

Dakota, I want to let you know the things that have happened in the last couple of months since you left. Evelyn is settling down but she is still confused at night. She is sleeping in her crate in the bedroom. We leave the crate door open and she usually stays there, but not always. She does a fair amount of pacing and searching for unknown things and then goes back to sleep.

The grandpuppy is now on her hands and knees, threatening to crawl. She does a combat crawl at 90 miles per hour and zeroes in on poor Evelyn sometimes. You would have hated this and run for your bed.

We have not had much snow, so you would also not have enjoyed the weather. I’m sorry your last winter with us couldn’t have been filled with the deep stuff you so enjoyed.

Your Boy is still the same, doing his boy thing and growing. Your Man has asked me when I think I might want to take your ashes to the mountains and scatter them around your old hopping grounds. He seemed surprised when I told him I’m not sure I’ll ever want to do that. I wish I knew what you wanted me to do with them, D.

I used to think that when people cry for a loss, they are crying for themselves because of how much they miss the one who’s gone. I’m not so sure I’m right about that, though. I miss you, D, very much–but I’m still very angry that you were cheated out of so much. I am incredibly pissed that you died so young. I realize you were almost 11, but we’ve never lost a dog so young. We were counting on several more years, more time to give to you as a gift. I’m sorry you were cheated. I’m sorry so many here have been cheated. If I could change the rules, I would.

On a happier note, your hated harness is going to a dog in Texas. I hope that’s far enough away for you to feel comfortable. I know you detested the damn thing.

Happy two years, Dakota. I wish you were here to experience it.


Author: Dakota Dawg

Dakota lived high in Colorado and was a member of the February Furballs. He lost a front leg to soft tissue sarcoma on 2-11-11. Dakota impulsively decided to see what the whole "rainbow bridge" business was about on 12-15-12 and before we could stop him, he was gone. But never forgotten. Never.

5 thoughts on “Can we have an ampuversary without you?”

  1. Shari,

    These are beautiful words. Take comfort in knowing that Dakota will be celebrating his two year ampuversary tomorrow with you in spirit, and we are all here (including Evelyn of course) to celebrate with you. You have every right to be pissed that your girl was taken so young, but take comfort in the fact that you saved her and found her, who knows what her life would have been? I know she is smiling down on you…….

  2. Ah Shari, if we could change the rules our beloveds would be with us always, until we dropped dead of simultaneous heart attacks–no pain, no fear, no regrets, no anger. No missing their soft ears, wet noses, sweet doggie sighs, indomitable spirits.
    Your photo of Dakota is beautiful…..he looks like such an elder statesman, calm and wise.
    We will celebrate Dakota Dawg’s two year ampuversary in style here in Oaktown tomorrow (never miss a chance to pawty ’round here!). Sending you lots of love,
    Martha and the OP

  3. I sure hope that Dakota is celebrating his two year ampuversary!
    There are some stories that will always be etched in my heart and Dakota is one of them. I like to believe that there is some equation to life and that someone is keeping score — that the dogs like Dakota who didn’t get their fair share in this lifetime have their rewards after they leave us. Happy ampuversary Dakota!!

  4. D-Dawg you are missed by all of us. I know your people’s hearts are still broken, but even Evelyn’s antics are easing the pain. It’s not easy to do that, she’s got big paws to fill, you were such a kewl pup.

    Hoppy Two Year ampuversary my friend. Our time as Tripawd buddies was way too short but you sure left a big impression here.

    I hope we get to meet again some day.

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