Author: evelyn

my tripawd was Dakota. we had fun and i miss him. I like food. lots.

i was good!

hey guess what? this time it was not my fawlt! momma even sed so! she took me to the male box. i even had my leesh on this time. on the way back there was this little dog that i did not know. the little dog was a bitchin frisbee. that is what my pop calls it. momma sed oh no do not say that. it is a bichon frisee. she spelld it for me. anyway, the bitchin frisbee tried to jump on me. it made ugly face at me and ugly noise. i was good. i backed up. i thought she was a ugly dog. i don’t want to be her fren now. there. i’m done.

-evelyn

i’m gonna get a train ride!

i heard my momma lady talkin to my pop and gess what? i’m gonna get a train ride! a lady name diane is gonna take me. i heard my momma lady say so. she say hey diane evelyn needs to do that train stuff. so i get a train ride.

Dakota here. Evelyn is an idiot. Diane is not a train conductor. She’s a dog trainer. Evelyn is going to boot camp with the Woman.

so i dunno where the train will ride me to but it will be very citing and speshul. i hope i get to go toot toot toot on that horny thing.

Geez, she’s in for a rough landing from la-la land, isn’t she? You want to tell her, or should I?

nuther thing. my momma lady and my pop are taking a big car ride on monday. they is goin to some hot springs. no dogs can go. but we get a baby sitter and her name is linda. momma showed linda where she keeps the cookies and i will say we get 5 a day.

I don’t think Linda speaks our language. I think when my Woman leaves that note that says we can have one a day, we’re getting one a day. Again…you want to tell her, or should I?

so dat’s all the big news from here. i will send you a post card from my train ride! bye bye! all board! tickets pleeze! oh is so citing!

Good grief. 

oh here is a pitcher of me sleepin in the dining room. it is my favorite room.

 

 

my field trip & the magic poop! by evelyn

i did a field trip. momma tole me how to spell it. field trip. i wented in my car with pop and momma. we wented to the dive shop first to see pop’s pals. they luv me bery much. i had to let all them mens rub my belly for a long time. then momma and me walk nex door.

nex door is P.C.’s Pantry. momma spell that one too. P.C.’s is a dog shop. the lady makes cookies. many cookies. and they gived a bunch to me cuz they just did. i comed in that door and they make skweeky noise at me. “o look at her she is so kute do you wanna treet corse yu do” and they skweek at me like babys.

so i let them give me them treets.

i seed dogs there. i seed a sane ben nard. o boy wat a big dog! i seed a bast hownd. he wuz meen. i seed a dog that lookd like gayle! she rilly did! her name is ella. she was nice an we had a kon ver sashun. i like her. an nen i seed a tripawd cat! momma tole me it is a cat. watever.

an nen yu no wat? i got more treets cuz i foun how to make momma git me more! i made poop on P.C.’s floor an that makes momma get me more treets!

  1. is like dis–i make the poop.
  2. momma sez “o evelyn why did yu do that?”
  3. momma say to P.C. lady “my dog made a posit.”
  4. P.C. lady say “is ok i will cleen it.”
  5. momma say “i am so sory.”
  6. P.C. lady make the LOL smiley face an say “is ok.”
  7. momma ask for them peenut buttr treets! she say to me “i feel gilty evelyn.”

is magic! if yu do them steps yore momma will git yu treets too! is magic!

we goed out the door wif that bag of treets an P.C. lady say “come bak cuz we never member who goed poop on the floor!” so i will tell momma lets go bak! bak for more majik!

–evvie

i goed on a big essplore

today i goed on a big essplore at my new home. at my old home i did big essplores and had fun and got into trubble and made messes and rolled in dirt and did whatever i wanted. today my momma and my dad wuz taking stuff out of the big scary moving truk. i found some more trubble then. this is wat happen.

you knoe i live with a boy. well, we brung this boy’s bestest fren here to help. you knoe how they helped? they taked their lil drivey cars and drived them on the sidewalky things and made the drivey cars do triks and stuff. i like them drivey cars a bunch so i went with them boys. momma and dad did not see me go. momma came to fine me and she had her big frowny face on. she say she was skared and worried. i try to tell her i jus went on a big essplore. she did not heer me. momma loves me bunches and bunches but she is not very smart. i wanna go on a essplore tomorroe. you wanna come?

evelyn

i wrote my own cheer

“the evelyn cheer cos i deserve one”

e   is for exterminating, what i love to do.

v   is for valuable, like all the stuff I chew.

e   is for ennybody got a tripawd to get rid of?

l   is for love, and there’s a lot of me to love

y   is for yell, what my momma does at me

n   is for naughty and it usually involves pee