Here’s how it happened: I was watching “Die Hard” with the fam. It was at that great ‘yippie-ki-yay’ part we all love so much when I heard an astounding kerfuffle outside! It sounded like grinding and grating and rocks smashing and all kinds of awful stuff! We all looked at each other and my Woman said, “Someone has to go investigate.” Well, it was getting late and there was a bunch of snow and it was cold, so we did rock-paper-scissors to decide who’d go. I lost. (Paper’s pretty useless for almost anything.) I took the camera.
I knew what it was as soon as I saw it. Barney. Sighing deeply and kicking myself in the butt for throwing down paper, I hauled the little bastard out and brought him inside. I dropped him into my Woman’s lap and went back to sleep. He was her problem now. She went outside and found the box he travels with. She dug around in there and found Angel Mackenzie’s Lakers scarf to wrap him in while he thawed out.
It didn’t take him long to defrost. He’s a cold-blooded little twerp, if you remember. I thought the decent thing to do was to say hello, get to know him, all that stuff. I thought maybe he was different from the way he’s been portrayed here. Right.
My Woman just happened to be there with the camera when I bared my teeth. This is what happened: Evelyn was chatting with Barney and he made a rude comment about my missing leg. I thought she made a little giggle. She swears she didn’t, but I dunno. Hence, the teeth-baring. What came next is…regrettable.
What came last was horrifying. My Woman said my behavior was, and I’ll quote, “more what is expected from a monkeybutt, so you can just be treated as if you are indeed a monkeybutt and wear Zephyr’s ears.” Thanks, Micki, for so thoughtfully including them in the Box From Hell.
I don’t know what will happen next. I am thinking, and planning. Tomorrow is a new day, with new possibilities for…revenge.
Oh DD- don’t let Evelyn goad you into trouble!! You know it is always the second player that gets called for the foul!!!! Woman didn’t hear Evelyn giggling- she only caught you.
I know it was the Big E’s fault… I hope the revenge is SWEET! (on Barney I mean).
I can say this because I am safely at work and Obie isn’t around to defend his gal pal.
Can’t wait to hear about the mauling.
Karen and the pugapalooza
I have a lot of ideas. I hope Obie understands that this is something I have to do. I like him. He’s not really a monkeybutt. He’s undecided, and I think he could go either way, but he seems like a nice guy.
Oh Dakota, I thought your woman was fair! Clearly Evelyn & Barney framed you. But don’t blame Evelyn, the dinosaur has bewitching powers! Revenge will be sweet!
Spirit Chili Dawg
So far, there has been a lot of growling and posturing over this silly purple thing. I guess he does have us bewitched!
I agree with Spirit Chili Dawg – you were framed. That purple guy can be very sneaky so keep an eye out for him. And I think Evelyn is “milking it” so she gets more attention than you.
I also think your punishment was “cruel and unusual.”
Let me know if I need to file a pawsuit for you!!
Attorney General Ginger Legal Pants – on the case
I hadn’t even thought of a pawsuit. Wow! A lot more to think about now. Thanks, Ginger.
Oh Dakota – I thought you looked so manly and sexy when you bared your teeth… but then your woman had to go and make you wear those ears. Um, not super manly…
You were totally framed.
Get that Barney! Get him! (BTW, I see his bald spot is getting worse… I bet he is real self-concious about that…Hehehehehehhehe)
Kisses, hang in there and don’t take any guff from either Barney or Evelyn!
Abby
Abby, not only does he have a bald spot, he has a little tear near his privates! Very uncool!
Paaaahahahahahaha! Dakota, you look funny wearing my ears. And you better be nice to Evelyn or I will come and give you sloppy Monkeybutt kisses.
Zephyr
Dear Zephyr,
Your mom recently offered to send you to me for entertainment. I can take her up on her offer if you aren’t nice. I’m sure Rio could use the break.
Love, Dakota
Hahahahaha! You look like a Guuuuuuuuuuuurl! Barney looks kewler than YOU do DD!
Geez, Wyatt. I was going to ask you to come whup on these two with me because I could use some law enforcement. But you’re making fun of me. Maybe Codie Rae is the right dawg for the job. She’s full of enforcement I’ve noticed.
D Dude,
That snarl was fierce but what is up with your woman???? She leaves you for days, then puts ears on you AND takes a picture????? Seriously, I’m thinking you should escape, hop onto I25 and come see me. We have lots of snow, deer AND antelope! I think you would dig it! I am pretty spoiled, not alot required of me….once in awhile I have to lay with a kid until they fall asleep. Think about it!
Your Pal,
Bud
Sorry Bud, I know I should probably hop up the highway your way, but I have it pretty good here, too. I sleep by the fire and eat cookies. Maybe I can get my Woman to paint my nails! Ha! Wouldn’t that be sweet justice!
geesh, we definitely see tripawd abuse with all of this happening…where’s the line judge, the referee???? somebody needs to throw a flag, those ears are excessive celebration for sure. dakota, you need a break!!
charon & gayle
Whoa Gayle, I just about snorted my water out my nose with the “excessive celebration” comment! You are so right, of course. It’s ok. Times are a-changin’ around here.
Aw, Dakota Ray Dawg, I will SO come regulate that little purple creep for you! I just need Betaman to send me my REGULATOR badge and I am on my way dude. I.Am.On.It! Where do you live again??
Dude, I never seen your baby pix before. Gotta a big ‘ol tear in my eye. Poor little dude. Reminds me of the new boy on our block. He is all grown up but boy is he messed up. He’s coming around though, yup he is.
‘k gotta read the rest of your posts, 13 pawz crossed here that you have kilt him!
xoxox,
Codie Rae and the Oaktown Pack +1
Hey hey, Codie Rae! Glad you stopped by! I live in Colorado. In fact, I live close enough to Red Feather to visit Wyatt Ray. My family spent a weekend with him this summer and went to some fancy schmancy dog fiesta. I laid on the ground looking dignified and my monkeybutt roommate embarrassed herself repeatedly. And of course Wyatt kept order. Maybe next time you pass through we can all have quite the howl-fest!
DEAR EVELYN
HI IT IS ME SPARKY
YOU NEVER SEED ME BEFORE. I HAVE TO TELL TO YOU SOMETHING.
RUN! HIDE! QUICK! DAKOTA DAWG IS PLANNING TO KILL YOU DEAD. GET OUT WHILE YOU STILL CAN!
LOVE FROM SPARKY THE GUARD DOG
DEAR DAKOTA DAWG
I TELLED ON YOU. I HAD TO. IT IS NOT NICE TO MAKE EVELYN DEAD EVEN IF SHE IS A BAD DOG. BESIDES I DONT KNOW ANY CRIMINALS. WE DONT LIVE IN THAT WASHTON. WE LIVE IN THE PRETTY NICE ONE WITH TREES AND MOUNTAINS AND GRASS AND FLOWERS AND STUFF. DO YOU WANT TO COME VISIT US? YOUR WOMAN SAYS WE COULD BE YOUR FRIEND. WE COULD GO FOR A RIDE AND A LONG WALK BY THE RIVER. YOU WOULD LIKE IT.
LOVE SPARKY THE GUARD DOG
Dear Sparky,
I did not want to make Evelyn dead. I just wanted her to have to wear the embarrassing ears.
Love, Dakota
P.S. Too bad you don’t live in the other Washton. I’ve never known anyone who knew anyone who might pass by someone who was in the mob. But the good part is that in your Washton there are a lot of Tripawds. Including Rio, who sent the ears.